it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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