Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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