my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
