Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need to sanitize my soul.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
