I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
