he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
