I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
