they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
