Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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