drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
