Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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