He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm just crazy horny about you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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