It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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