I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
im on a boat
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