Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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