Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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