I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
