I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
