dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
