the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
