Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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