Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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