Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
