i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
