So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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