I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
