New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
as a side note pls kill me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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