Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
