He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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