need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just want to make out with him forever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
