and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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