Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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