I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
