who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
