take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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