She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
