Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the high leading the old right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
