fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
