The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
