im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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