I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
