Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
