This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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