I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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