A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
