So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize