covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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