Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
