I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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