Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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