I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
