hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize