FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Say something about gay babies.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
