then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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