Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
