i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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