3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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