At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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