Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
