Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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