I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize