Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
