OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
