I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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