he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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