Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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