you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
