nutella sex= disaster
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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