is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
