Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
