he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
