I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
