you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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