...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
