yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize