apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
