Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
