he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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