They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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